13 - Know what I want

Second Semester of Senior year.

My life has been pretty decent lately.
I can't complain much. School's started second term. I'm still itching to be done with high school. But I guess there's nothing I can change about that. Nowadays I begin my mornings with American Government, which was an interesting class until we started talking about history. After that I share French 1 with Taylor and Patrick, two friends from classes I had last semester. I don't talk to Patrick often as he sits far away.

Then it's onto Newspaper. Stephanie dropped, she was an editor, so that left us in quite a position. But in order to fill the void, we promoted Chelsea to an editor's position and brought Jenna into the class. I knew of Jenna before I actually met her, because Brit used to flirt with her while I was still with Heather. And I met Jenna once (granted I didn't remember that until she reminded me). It's nice to have her in our class because I really enjoy making new friends.

Drama 4 is my last class of the day. Despite the fact that I have no idea what I'll be doing for the play, it's still my favorite class.

I think part of my eagerness to make friends may stem from the fact that I haven't spent much time with Dylan.
In fact, the last time we hung out was after me and Bobbi had a fight. I'd texted him the cliffnotes and he said he understood where I was coming from (Because Dylan also happens to be a bit obsessive and moody). So he invited me to go bowling with him and Lee to get me out of the house.
Well, first off, I'm not even a big fan of bowling because I don't appreciate sports I royally suck at. But I was convinced to make it a good time. Lee didn't seem so bad, at least not on a day that I was desperate to be out of the house, and I tried to make jokes. Bowling lasted about an hour.
Then suddenly we were leaving and the next plans I knew consisted of Dylan telling Lee he'd see him in half an hour because that's how long it took to take me home.
Which was quite a disappointment. Especially because just the week before I comforted Dylan while he quit his job, was bawling about it, and then at the same time Lee made a bitchy comment about the fact. So yeah, consider that to be quite a let down. Before he quite his job he blew me off after I sat through his half hour BETA meeting only for him to tell me he was going to be at school until 6pm. So I had my mom pick me up.
I guess I honestly need a new best friend. Because hell, they keep you grounded and all that jazz. But I don't feel like putting in the effort of telling my life story again.
I enjoyed hanging out with Christine, an old friend from middle school, but I honestly just miss having Dylan around. He practically lived at my house over the summer. And now he practically lives with his boyfriend.
I don't know, I try not to fault him too much because I know I'm typically busy too. With Bobbi and all. But a Starbucks run once and a while would be nice. Or a text, really. He spends most of his time in Newspaper doing English AP homework. So even then, we really only talk enough to get all of the breaking news out of the way.
And hell, when Dylan was single me and Bobbi hung out with him a couple times. And I don't recall ever really dropping him. But perhaps I did.
Bobbi keeps saying I need to have a talk with him, but I feel like that would be a lot of effort that may just end badly. Or that it would be hypocritical of me to ask him not to hang out with Lee so much. So far I haven't said anything. Except expressing my desire to spend time with him. I figured him not working everyday would be an opportunity, in some twisted way, but then he just pointed out that he's going to be busy with tennis season. Even though I used to sit in his car for an hour waiting for him last year. The reason we couldn't hang last week was because he had Mr and Mrs Stratford practice, which I'm proud of him for, and I supported him with, but he even told me after practice he went to Lee's house. Couldn't he just as easily come to mine once?

I guess I'm just hurt.

Anyways. Drama's really great. I felt kind of like a misfit at the beginning of the class, and I still don't exactly fit in with the tightest clique in there. But I'm close. I've started talking to people more. Hell, one girl even made me a bracelet. And besides, a lot of kids in that class aren't really in the 'clique' either. So I'm ok with that.
We did a really cool meditation exercise the other day. It was extremely relaxing and made me want to try meditation sometime. Then yesterday Mrs. Dertain had Sara and me read a skit. It was interesting and she said we did really well. And she laughed =]

Bobbi and I are doing well. Last weekend was really great. We had amazing sex. And then helped each other with our essays. It was nice. And felt super domestic. Until I had to go home. Which is always a bit disappointing.
She helped me with my essays last night. A lot actually. I appreciate it. And I think we had a pretty good night. Although at one point I was selfish. She started telling me about this great opportunity for her to study abroad for 3 weeks and get one of her required courses out of the way for a pretty great price. But to be honest, all I could think of was the distance, so I know I didn't have the reaction she was hoping for. I said I'd support her but that I'd really rather not talk about it. I didn't really realize that 3 weeks wasn't too long. Until she pointed that out. I just imagined her leaving. And I don't really give her enough credit. Because 3 weeks isn't long enough for our feelings to fade. Hell, I don't think 3 years would be long enough. I apologized a lot. Because I know I didn't have the expected reaction. And I was being illogical. I'm still not fond of the thought of her leaving. But if she did it would be in May, so I'd have time to adjust to the idea. I feel like I could handle it better now that I've talked to my mom a bit. And it really is a great opportunity.

I'm really anxious about my application, but there really isn't much I can do now that I've sent it to dad for editing. I'm just hoping I get in. But if not I think my dad might be able to persuade them.

I really hope Dylan comes around, but if not I'll move on. I'm not completely helpless without him.

All in all, I'm living a great life.
I'm finally with someone I've wanted to be with for a while. And she's amazing to me.
We're talking about buying Poesy's for our anniversary. =]
I love that girl.
I don't think I appreciate her efforts enough. But I'm working on that.
13 - Know what I want


xpunkxpiratex (12:46:00 AM): well you came into the picture
xpunkxpiratex (12:46:00 AM): so yeahhhh
xpunkxpiratex (12:46:01 AM): epic fail
kimhasone (12:46:09 AM): haha
kimhasone (12:46:20 AM): I'm not in the picture
xpunkxpiratex (12:46:27 AM): yeah, I know
xpunkxpiratex (12:46:28 AM): but you were
xpunkxpiratex (12:46:32 AM): so she got back with jonathan
xpunkxpiratex (12:46:34 AM): and yeah
kimhasone (12:46:37 AM): fun stuff
kimhasone (12:46:41 AM): you could change that
kimhasone (12:46:44 AM): but i'm going to bed
kimhasone (12:46:47 AM): niiight
kimhasone (12:46:48 AM): again
xpunkxpiratex (12:46:58 AM): =[
xpunkxpiratex (12:46:59 AM): goodnight
kimhasone (12:47:15 AM): you're gonna miss me
xpunkxpiratex (12:47:25 AM): yeah okay
Auto-response: kimhasone is away (12:47:24 AM)
Sleep. School. FML.
xpunkxpiratex (12:47:40 AM): you're really cute though, jsuk.
xpunkxpiratex (12:47:45 AM): your ego-stroke of the day.
xpunkxpiratex (12:47:50 AM): you're welcome.
13 - Know what I want

Miss California / Gay Marriage

We talked about Miss CA today in Newspaper.
In case you haven't already heard she was asked by Perez Hilton (one of the judges in Miss USA pageant) her thoughts on gay marriage.

If you want to watch it:
. Collapse )
Anyways. So somehow we got on the topic. I hate to say this, but I agree with Perez. Many have said Miss CA's answer cost her the crown and a Jacob thought that was horrible and that she deserved it for speaking her opinion. But I certainly don't want her to represent the United States. And not just because she said "opposite marriage"

Normally differing opinions do not bother me one bit. I typically don't argue about things. But I feel very strongly about my right to get married. Jake and Jessica were saying that they didn't think it was that big of a deal. But I disagreed and called the opinion bigoted.
My teacher and Dylan agreed.

But Stephanie, who happens to be one of my best friends, seemed conflicted about the issue.
She finally came out with something along the lines of 'I don't see why it's that big of a deal. I don't think they should get married either' I brought up the fact that yes, I don't normally give a shit about others opinions, but when that opinion infringes upon people's rights I think it's ridiculous and wrong.

Steph even suggested at one point 'Why don't gays just go to the states it is legal to get married in?' Yeah, I used to think that when I thought of my future. But I love South Carolina. The state I was born, and grew up in.  And really? I don't want to have to fucking move just so I can get benefits from the government. Fuck that. My rights should be covered ANYWHERE in the United States I wish to live. I'm not going around asking straight people to move to Idaho because they can't get married here. Mrs. Foster compared that to when settlers made Native Americans move to territories. Which, yeah, that's a drastic comparison, but on a much much lesser scale, it could be related.

That type of thought process just made me lose quite a bit of respect for Stephanie.

I knew before that she wasn't exactly all for gay marriage, but I never pushed the issue. However, lately there has been a lot of homophobic things going on (Prop 8, Amazon taking gay books off their list) and frankly, I'm just freaking tired of it.

I don't give a fuck about the marriage ceremony! Really, Christians can fucking keep their ceremonies and their churches. I just want the benefits of being able to maybe one day have a wife, to have tax cuts, or whatever. It's just so frustrating.
Where the fuck is separation of church and state?

I know homosexuals are just another minority that has to go through the motions in order to get rights, but it's just so frustrating. I think the world is changing, that my generation is so much more accepting, and yes, we are, but there's still so much farther we have left to go. My fucking best friend doesn't think I have the right to get married.

That makes me feel horrible.

But there's no use trying to change her mind. I just hope the day comes that I same-sex couples can get married.

Another thing, Stephanie doesn't believe women should have power in the church. Or at least not a minister or anything. I know this because Dylan said some lesbian couple got married by a woman in front of the courthouse in CA. And Stephanie was baffled by that. She doesn't believe women should be able to marry people even, and ok, that's fine, it's your religion (she's a Mormon) but marrying people doesn't mean a religious ceremony. It just means a legal document. Even though I explained that, she still doesn't feel women should have that much power. "There are things men can do that women can't"
I feel belittled for both having two X chromosomes and for dating women.

On a lighter note. I am enjoying the open mind of some people online.Collapse )

13 - Know what I want


Why does Fox keep screwing with it's lineup? WTF? How am I supposed to consistently watch a show if they don't consistently show it?

House normally shows once a week, lately they've been skipping a week. Inconsistently.
Dollhouse is normally every week but last week it decided to skip. WTF?
13 - Know what I want

Alternative Playlist

Everyone should download: (*cough*claire*cough*)

1. Every Me and Every You By Placebo
2. Because I Want You
3. Sick and Tired By Default
4. Deny
5. Bleed Like Me Garbage
6. Sexual Powertrip By Blue October
7. Angel
8. Bathwater By No Doubt
9. How Soon is Now By Snake River Conspiracy
10. Virgin State of Mind By K's Choice
11. Beautiful Garbage or Joydrop
12. Emergency Paramore
13. Problem Girl Rob Thomas
14. Worlds Collide Plumb
15. Bad Day Daniel Powter
16. Lightness Deathcab for Cutie
17. Lack of Color
18. All You Wanted Michelle Branch
19. I'm alright Sugarcult
20. How Does it Feel
21. Torn Natalie Imbruglia
22. Fragile or Wonder(if you want a more love oriented one) Megan McCauley
23. Vow Garbage
24. Lover I Don't Have to Love Bright Eyes